Don't Worry About Me

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's probably just a phase. That's all it is. I kinda really don't like being emotional. I'd much rather just lock it all up than have to deal with constantly being on the brink of tears, unable to stop those silent drops from welling up, rolling down my cheek.

Life is good; it really is. I earned As on my two online courses, and I'm so far earning As in my other two courses. I have as many students as I'd like to handle right now. Mom's back from Taiwan, and our relationship seems to still be good. I have friends who care about me, who need me, who appreciate me, and some who are somewhere. My room's a mess, which is no indication of my life, and I'm sure I'll find time one day to clean it up.  I like my brother's girlfriend, and she likes me, which is good if they're thinking of marriage. I've always wanted an older sister.

I guess that last thing makes me sad. Instead of feeling like I'm gaining a sister, I feel like I'm losing a brother. These past three months, I feel like my brother changed. A lot. Some changes are for the better, like cleaning out the car and his room, dressing better; some changes are for the worse, sleeping late, coming home late, ignoring tasks around the house. I feel like he's no longer a part of this family. He let the garden fall by the wayside, which, okay, fine, it'll grow back next year. No, we didn't have any harvest this year, no beans, no pumpkins, no tomatoes. He wasn't around to uninstall the window a/cs. I'd do it by myself, but they're really heavy and you need someone on the inside, and someone outside. Dad did it by himself, he's lucky he didn't hurt himself this year. The pool didn't get covered until November...we usually cover it in September. The grass hardly gets mowed; the list goes on. He comes home and dumps his bags in the middle of the walkway and goes to sleep. And worst of all, his attitude towards YeYe is totally rotten these days. I didn't even notice it happen, since I'm never home at the same time he is, but Mom noticed the difference.

Just last night, he kind of yelled at me. I was trying to set his alarm clock so he wouldn't be late to class this morning, but all the words are worn off, so I didn't know which button was which. Pushing a button, the radio turned on, waking him and startling me. I quickly turned it off, and as I walked away, he said crossly, "why are you touching my clock!" It wasn't really a question. I said "I don't know, I wasn't trying to set your alarm for you or anything," and just left.

I don't want to blame the girlfriend, because I adore her, and it's not really her fault. But I get the feeling that he's spending all his care and concern on her, that he's so blinded by this new relationship that he doesn't even notice well...anyone else. Even though he doesn't understand why I'm passive-aggressive and don't like to talk about things, I can't talk to him about it. I can't even say anything to him, because then he'll be all defensive and avoid the blame. And he'll get upset at me, or just upset in general, and I don't want to hurt him. If I make him upset, he'll just come home less and less. All we ever talk about now is the girlfriend, where to take her, what to do, what movies to watch, etc. Even when I try to talk about other things, it always comes back to her. Which is fine. I like her.

Is this normal when a sibling gets involved in a relationship?