I love staying up late at night. Even with nothing to do, I enjoy what the night offers. Solitude. Peace. Eternity.
At night, everything is easy. Time stands still. The world sleeps. And I can contemplate life at my own pace. There are no phone calls to answer, no place to rush off to, no one to impress. I can just be me. Even if I'm talking to someone, online or on the phone, at night, it isn't because of work, trying to find time to make up a lesson, or squeezing in coffee with friends. It's just to relax, or to work out my issues, or his issues, or her issues. Nighttime is when I become me again.
When the world around me sleeps, I have all the time in the world to get things done. It doesn't matter whether I turn in an assignment at 12:01am or 4:39am. It's still late, either way. Whether I send an email at 11:21pm or 1:48am, the recipient will still get to it in the morning just the same. I have all the time in the world. There is no such thing as COB at night, unless you work for an overseas company, which I don't.
Everyone sleeps, and I am by myself. I don't have to deal with attitude. Or smothering. Or disappointment. Or traffic. Or heartbreak. At night, everything is perfect. Everyone is perfect. In my dreams, he keeps getting closer, until we're inconspicuously holding hands, and everyone else is oblivious to our shared secret. And it's wonderful.
Wonderful.
25 January 2012
10 January 2012
How TV Ruined Me
I never thought that I would be one who would be sucked into TV culture. Most of it is fake, fiction, made up for the purposes of entertainment, and I never thought the shows reflect reality one bit.
Obviously.
But I realized over the course of this past holiday season that I am, in fact, a product of this generation. My brother said it was weird that I want to be friends with my ex. Of course I would want to be friends with him; we have the same friend-group, we're fairly compatible, and I think we get each other better than other people get us. Ignore the fact that we've hardly spoken to each other in the past 6 years.
But what my brother said to me really struck me. Is it weird? I would wonder. It kind of is.
But look at Friends. And Seinfeld, Happy Endings, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, The Office, Parks and Recreation. Characters in those sit-coms who've dated each other are still friends. And that's normal. For a TV show.
As for me, it's left me with a lot of baggage. Baggage that I shouldn't have from a relationship that I have. Emotionally and psychologically, I'm kind of messed up. Not as much as other people, but it is a part of who I am. The fact that I want to be friends with my ex is proof enough. I shouldn't want to be friends, and yet, here I am, debating with myself whether I should gchat him or not. I won't, because I have tremendous self-control (usually), but 99% of the fibers in my body want to.
I blame TV.
Obviously.
But I realized over the course of this past holiday season that I am, in fact, a product of this generation. My brother said it was weird that I want to be friends with my ex. Of course I would want to be friends with him; we have the same friend-group, we're fairly compatible, and I think we get each other better than other people get us. Ignore the fact that we've hardly spoken to each other in the past 6 years.
But what my brother said to me really struck me. Is it weird? I would wonder. It kind of is.
But look at Friends. And Seinfeld, Happy Endings, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, The Office, Parks and Recreation. Characters in those sit-coms who've dated each other are still friends. And that's normal. For a TV show.
As for me, it's left me with a lot of baggage. Baggage that I shouldn't have from a relationship that I have. Emotionally and psychologically, I'm kind of messed up. Not as much as other people, but it is a part of who I am. The fact that I want to be friends with my ex is proof enough. I shouldn't want to be friends, and yet, here I am, debating with myself whether I should gchat him or not. I won't, because I have tremendous self-control (usually), but 99% of the fibers in my body want to.
I blame TV.
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