So apparently, when I try to get a guy's attention, it doesn't work, but when I'm not trying to get a guy's attention, somehow they become so smitten. How does this make any sense at all?
In a nutshell, my brother brought his apartment-mate back home for Thanksgiving, and to make up for my brother's lack of hosting, I would hang out with his friend, make sure he had what he needed, had enough to eat, and wasn't bored out of his mind (as my house is quite boring). I wasn't flirting with him, trying to be extra nice or anything, and at night, I would ditch them and help my parents finish our remodeling project, or prepare for Sunday School, or play games online.
Anyway, after they got back to their apartment in VA, he asked my brother for my email address, and he emails me. He said that I'm such a nice and caring person, that I'm a truly awesome person and he would regret it if he didn't take the chance to be better friends and try to get to know me better, and would I be interested in continued correspondence? That was sent Monday at 4:45 AM. I didn't write back until about two hours ago, and it was quite the generic, oh I'm so glad you enjoyed your visit, I'm not really that nice, I was just being a good host, come back anytime! type of letter. Well, not even an hour passes and he writes back, saying how he liked that I helped around the house and with grandpa and it's important to surround yourself with good, positive, influences like me.
Like...what the heck? I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. The remodeling project was my idea (and my money) so of course I had to do most of the work. I didn't really help grandpa that much, only the normal food-gathering at dinner. asdjhgadhgj;awkdfj It just makes me think...why do I try so hard for other people and get nowhere? At least when I do nothing, I get somewhere. This game is messed up.
29 November 2011
09 November 2011
Three Haiku
I wish I could have
A ton of layers and walls
Protecting my heart.
I wish I could be
Emotionally stoic
Like I was before.
I wish I could stop.
Frozen spoons are my best friends.
Crying really sucks.
A ton of layers and walls
Protecting my heart.
I wish I could be
Emotionally stoic
Like I was before.
I wish I could stop.
Frozen spoons are my best friends.
Crying really sucks.
08 November 2011
Don't Worry About Me
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's probably just a phase. That's all it is. I kinda really don't like being emotional. I'd much rather just lock it all up than have to deal with constantly being on the brink of tears, unable to stop those silent drops from welling up, rolling down my cheek.
Life is good; it really is. I earned As on my two online courses, and I'm so far earning As in my other two courses. I have as many students as I'd like to handle right now. Mom's back from Taiwan, and our relationship seems to still be good. I have friends who care about me, who need me, who appreciate me, and some who are somewhere. My room's a mess, which is no indication of my life, and I'm sure I'll find time one day to clean it up. I like my brother's girlfriend, and she likes me, which is good if they're thinking of marriage. I've always wanted an older sister.
I guess that last thing makes me sad. Instead of feeling like I'm gaining a sister, I feel like I'm losing a brother. These past three months, I feel like my brother changed. A lot. Some changes are for the better, like cleaning out the car and his room, dressing better; some changes are for the worse, sleeping late, coming home late, ignoring tasks around the house. I feel like he's no longer a part of this family. He let the garden fall by the wayside, which, okay, fine, it'll grow back next year. No, we didn't have any harvest this year, no beans, no pumpkins, no tomatoes. He wasn't around to uninstall the window a/cs. I'd do it by myself, but they're really heavy and you need someone on the inside, and someone outside. Dad did it by himself, he's lucky he didn't hurt himself this year. The pool didn't get covered until November...we usually cover it in September. The grass hardly gets mowed; the list goes on. He comes home and dumps his bags in the middle of the walkway and goes to sleep. And worst of all, his attitude towards YeYe is totally rotten these days. I didn't even notice it happen, since I'm never home at the same time he is, but Mom noticed the difference.
Just last night, he kind of yelled at me. I was trying to set his alarm clock so he wouldn't be late to class this morning, but all the words are worn off, so I didn't know which button was which. Pushing a button, the radio turned on, waking him and startling me. I quickly turned it off, and as I walked away, he said crossly, "why are you touching my clock!" It wasn't really a question. I said "I don't know, I wasn't trying to set your alarm for you or anything," and just left.
I don't want to blame the girlfriend, because I adore her, and it's not really her fault. But I get the feeling that he's spending all his care and concern on her, that he's so blinded by this new relationship that he doesn't even notice well...anyone else. Even though he doesn't understand why I'm passive-aggressive and don't like to talk about things, I can't talk to him about it. I can't even say anything to him, because then he'll be all defensive and avoid the blame. And he'll get upset at me, or just upset in general, and I don't want to hurt him. If I make him upset, he'll just come home less and less. All we ever talk about now is the girlfriend, where to take her, what to do, what movies to watch, etc. Even when I try to talk about other things, it always comes back to her. Which is fine. I like her.
Is this normal when a sibling gets involved in a relationship?
Life is good; it really is. I earned As on my two online courses, and I'm so far earning As in my other two courses. I have as many students as I'd like to handle right now. Mom's back from Taiwan, and our relationship seems to still be good. I have friends who care about me, who need me, who appreciate me, and some who are somewhere. My room's a mess, which is no indication of my life, and I'm sure I'll find time one day to clean it up. I like my brother's girlfriend, and she likes me, which is good if they're thinking of marriage. I've always wanted an older sister.
I guess that last thing makes me sad. Instead of feeling like I'm gaining a sister, I feel like I'm losing a brother. These past three months, I feel like my brother changed. A lot. Some changes are for the better, like cleaning out the car and his room, dressing better; some changes are for the worse, sleeping late, coming home late, ignoring tasks around the house. I feel like he's no longer a part of this family. He let the garden fall by the wayside, which, okay, fine, it'll grow back next year. No, we didn't have any harvest this year, no beans, no pumpkins, no tomatoes. He wasn't around to uninstall the window a/cs. I'd do it by myself, but they're really heavy and you need someone on the inside, and someone outside. Dad did it by himself, he's lucky he didn't hurt himself this year. The pool didn't get covered until November...we usually cover it in September. The grass hardly gets mowed; the list goes on. He comes home and dumps his bags in the middle of the walkway and goes to sleep. And worst of all, his attitude towards YeYe is totally rotten these days. I didn't even notice it happen, since I'm never home at the same time he is, but Mom noticed the difference.
Just last night, he kind of yelled at me. I was trying to set his alarm clock so he wouldn't be late to class this morning, but all the words are worn off, so I didn't know which button was which. Pushing a button, the radio turned on, waking him and startling me. I quickly turned it off, and as I walked away, he said crossly, "why are you touching my clock!" It wasn't really a question. I said "I don't know, I wasn't trying to set your alarm for you or anything," and just left.
I don't want to blame the girlfriend, because I adore her, and it's not really her fault. But I get the feeling that he's spending all his care and concern on her, that he's so blinded by this new relationship that he doesn't even notice well...anyone else. Even though he doesn't understand why I'm passive-aggressive and don't like to talk about things, I can't talk to him about it. I can't even say anything to him, because then he'll be all defensive and avoid the blame. And he'll get upset at me, or just upset in general, and I don't want to hurt him. If I make him upset, he'll just come home less and less. All we ever talk about now is the girlfriend, where to take her, what to do, what movies to watch, etc. Even when I try to talk about other things, it always comes back to her. Which is fine. I like her.
Is this normal when a sibling gets involved in a relationship?
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