The Hard Truth

At this point, I'm about 80% sure that M isn't interested in me, nor will he be interested in me in the future. I'm fine with that. I really am. I just need to hear it from him. Of course, there's no way that's going to happen anytime soon. Because I'll never ask. And the topic will never be brought up.

I could squelch my feelings, but part of me still hopes, still clings to the glimmer of a chance that maybe, maybe I'm wrong. When I think of M and me, I think, we would be perfect together. There's just that little fact of him not knowing. Hah. I'm such a silly girl. But why not? No harm, no foul, right?

On the other hand, I realize that we wouldn't be good together. Don't get me wrong, he's perfect. The dream guy. Mr. Ken. The problem is me. I know that he's looking for a girl who is confident of herself, who doesn't need constant reassurance. I'm not needy, I don't think. But I know that I do suffer from self-confidence issues. I don't act like it, but I always think lower of myself than perhaps I should. I'm looking for a guy with whom I can be weak. I don't want to be strong, I don't want to always put up a front. I want someone I can be vulnerable before. But he's so wonderful, I can't bring myself to be weak in front of him. I can't let him think that he'd be settling.

So we wouldn't work together. And I know that. Eighty-percent of me knows that, anyway. As for the rest...I just need to hear it from him, and that pesky 20% will join the rest.