Being Bad

Sometimes, I wish I could be bad. I think about all the things I want to do, but never let myself. Seems like it would be much more fun if I just let go and didn't think about the consequences. But I can't. Or won't.

What would it be like if I could just do things wihout repercussion? If i could smoke without the threat of cancer or addiction? If I could drink without worrying about calories or cirrhosis? Travel without caring about money spent, or not earned? Love without risking hurt? Ok...I guess that last one would be worth the risk, or so people say. But back to my main point.

Being bad seems so enticing. These days, my only act of rebellion is going out for a beer with classmates and getting home after midnight. I'm living at home, saving money, keeping my actions (and emotions) in check lest I do anything I might later regret. I don't particularly mind, but is this all that my mid-20s will account for? Practical, strategic decisions, the fruit of which I won't realize for another 20-30 years? Yes. I suppose so. Don't I rather wish I could go to the Boardy Barn with friends, forget responsibilities for an afternoon, splurge a little, or pamper myself? Yes. Of course. And yet...I can't. Or won't. I still have yet to make up my mind about what's holding me back.

I might find my answer one day, and when I do, I'll be sure to let you know