Harry Houdini: Escape Artist

At what point in my life did I put myself into a box? When did my identity become what it is today? I remember when I was younger, I thought I could be anyone, do anything. Doctor, teacher, artist, mother, entrepreneur, research scientist; the world was at my fingertips. So I chose to be a music teacher, and music teacher I am. And this title has truly become my identity. It restricts my social life, it commands my interactions, it supersedes my every thought and action. "Sorry, I can't hang out, I have to teach." "Yes I can teach piano; here's my card." "I can't go there. I'm a teacher...what if someone sees me?"

At what point did this happen? When did this box become so small, so limited? There are so many things I wish I did earlier, that now I must either postpone to a later date, give up my dreams, or go ahead and do them, feeling guilty all the while. Sure, I'd love to learn how to snowboard; I'd love to at least step onto a ski mountain. But I can't cancel lessons for that. That would be irresponsible. And teachers should be responsible people. Go see my friend's band play in a sketchy bar? I'd love to..oh wait..I have to awake early on Saturdays to teach. My friend is getting married, but I don't know if I can go, because of grad classes.

Earlier, I wrote that I am the star of this movie called Life. Somehow, though, without my knowledge, I have been typecast. Regardless of the movie, I am forever stuck in this role. Like Paul Rudd. Or Zoey Deschanel. I wish I could be Harry Houdini. No matter the confines, the chains and straight-jackets, locks, water, cages, he always found a way to escape. Even if his assistants slapped chains on him, placed him in a box full of water, with chains on the box, and locks on the chains, he was free to go the Balcony Box D, or walk in from the wings, or spring up from the floorboards. I wish I had the confidence to move to another place. Even to the next town would be nice. But I can't. I wish I could take a year off and travel, or try things. I even wish I could earn an MBA, just to prove that I can. And yet, there's nothing practical about that.

So here I am. Sensible Music Teacher. Preparing my assignment for tomorrow's Dalcroze class. Writing emails to parents about the upcoming exams. Planning for the next week, month, season, year. Labeled and Confined, concerned about my own sanity Liberty.