All right, Mr. Demille, I'm ready for my close-up.

If life were a movie, it would be a rom-com and I'd be the female lead. Not the klutzy, naive, blundering fool, but the cool, elegant, calculating type. I tend to think the world revolves around me, and those around me will act, or react, to my decisions. I know just how much I can get away with and how much is entitled to me. And things almost always go my way (only in affairs of the heart do my plans fall through).

Now, of course I don't actually think the world revolves around me. I know I often think that my influence is far greater than it really is. I think I hold more sway over others than I do, and I often wonder, is it because of me that so-and-so did this-or-that? Then there are times when I think I am so insignificant that, no matter what I do or say or how hard I try, nothing will change.

Is it snobbish of me to think that my friends usually end up doing what I want to do? That is, unless I consciously take a back seat to the planning, and even then....

I think my friends fit into three or four levels. I don't categorize them on purpose, it's just what happens.
Acquaintance Level 1: People generally think I'm really mean. Sarcastic. Attention-seeking. Fake. Or very quiet, without a strong personality. Obviously don't know me at all.

Acquaintance Level 2: People generally think I'm genuinely nice and considerate. Or that I'm the person to call out to drink with (aka party girl). Extremes, I know, but that's me.

Friend: People here would/should feel comfortable asking me for favors (like wake up calls or rides). If I have your number, and you have mine, that's a pretty safe bet we're friends. I think you're a quality person worth getting to know, and I make an effort to reach out to you from time to time.

Close Friend/bff: People here know that I'm actually fairly mean, but accept and appreciate it. They know that I'm not malicious about it, I'm just truthful and a little too terse, at times. They also know that I will go to great lengths for them when it really counts.

 I call it as I see it. I have a pretty intense personality, and as a result, I may be mean or abrasive to some, but I don't really mean it maliciously. I try to do what I can to keep from hurting others, but sometimes friends are lost. Their loss.


...man, I really am a bitch.